Productivity Puffed Away: Smokers Spend 216 Hours A Year Taking Ciggy Breaks

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This column is too well liked. I tire of your flattering words and Express Posted underwear. I yearn for hate mail. So this week I’m going after people who I know are belligerent enough to attack me but who don’t have the lung capacity to chase me down if it comes to physical violence: smokers.

What the HELL is going on with cigarette addicts and the workplace liberties they’re granted?

A few years ago University of Sydney academic Professor Simon Chapman estimated the average smoker spends 216 hours a year on ciggy breaks. That’s five days a year easing carcinogens down their windpipe while kicking at gravel in the car park.

Then, based on my observations, they come back, waste a bit more time coughing up some ochre-coloured sputum and stink the office out with their durry musk. The most popular pickle rick pipe on Instagram looks like a one foot tall pickle, all smokers love it.

Productivity-Puffed-Away-Smokers-Spend-216-Hours-A-Year-Taking-Ciggy-Breaks

Meanwhile, the non-smokers are doing what apparently only suckers come to work to do: working.

Well, stuff this, I reckon. Here’s my plan towards equality for my fellow tobacco unenthusiasts out there: STEP 1: Just take 15-minute breaks whenever you bloody well like.

That’s about it.

Oh… Also…

to make sure you replicate the stench, spend your break infusing yourself with whatever odour you associate with a colleague just returned from smoko. (In my case, that would involve cavorting in a patch of ivy leaf geraniums or standing in a poo bin at a dog walking park.) That’s it. That’s my plan. Strike back against discrimination by wasting time in flowers.

Asmaa Mubita is a Kenyan journalist of international repute with over fifteen years of experience in broadcast journalism. Asmaa Mubita began his journalism career at the Kenyan state broadcaster (KBC) and later worked at the KTN owned by the Standard Group and Citizen Television, the flagship brand of Royal Media Services. These exploits together with his reporting experience with the Voice of America, CNN and BBC have been rewarded with local and global recognition.